Adoption

A brief word of introduction and then on to what's on my mind.

Heather and I have decided that it's time to begin the process of having our third child.  We have long considered adoption.  Heather since she was 5 years old and me for about 10 years now.  At Christmas this past year though some conversation and a possibility that Heather was pregnant we both were shocked to realize we both agreed that it was time for adoption.

But it's not something we eased into.  One day we were talking about the "what if" our third child was born of another mother?  "What if" we pursue a african-american or bi-racial child instead of having a[nother] caucasian baby?  It was hypothetical in conversation one day and then those "what ifs" turned to "when".  

In January after the holidays calmed down a bit we contacted a few adoption agencies.  We interview two and decided to go with Bethany Christian Services.  We like that Bethany is unashamedly a christian organization.  They offer adoption planning and family planning they do not offer abortion as an option.  This was important to us.  And do the paperwork and process began. 

At this stage its hard to gauge where we're at in the process considered we don't know when or even how it will end.  Since we are seeking to adopt a non-caucasian baby the process of placement will generally go much faster once all our background checks and home studies are complete.  But there's no guarantee. 

So the adoption introduction is complete.

Last night we had our first adoption class.  This was a basic primer to adoption.  It taught us some vocabulary and some better ways to explain the process and how to avoid negative words.  Useful.  But before that we had a time of introduction.  There were twelve people (six couples) in attendance.  Heather and I figured we were slightly odd in that we can have biological children and still sought adoption but I wasn't prepared to be the ONLY couple in which that was the case.  It was so eye opening to hear the other couple's brief introduction yet it including so much heart ache of trying to conceive, lost children via miscarriage and then the realization that adoption was going to be the only way they would have a child.

Adoption's foundation is found in loss.  Both loss from the birth mother who is choosing what is best for her child and loss from the adoptive parents in the loss of not being able to have children.  It was emphasized that having children does not "cure" the sense of loss and the grieving that needs to be processed of not being able to have biological children.  The information was very good, helpful and eye opening for me.  

I'm sure I'll revisit the meeting last night at least one more time but that's it for not.  I never can fully invest in something until it's right in my face.  Adoption is now right in my face.  I'm happy about that.

Comments

[Kristy]

Something I was thinking about after I left your house last night and Heather told me that part about adoption starting in loss..

The beautiful part of it is that it might start in loss, but it doesn't end that way - not for your family, and especially not for the child. I think that's part of why I think its so amazing - its such a beautiful picture of redemption.